I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
