Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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