Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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