I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
