oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
