wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
