Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
