fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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