dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
