If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
