thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
