Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
