I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
