ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
handjob tips. give me some.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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