Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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