All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you never un-have a 4some
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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