it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
