It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
