She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
