i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
