Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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