Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
