Apparently you make a good broom.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
