When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
