Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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