Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
