A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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