i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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