He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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