You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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