It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
