My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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