I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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