he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
