If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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