Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
