So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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