went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
