i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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