I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The power of my boobs compel you
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
