Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
