I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
