She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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