You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
