Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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