Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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