Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
