We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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