I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
