its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
