If i come over, it means nothing
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
