Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
