Tell her she can't have a vagina
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got inside last night via doggy door
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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