Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
organizing the empties. That sober.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
