we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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