So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
