at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
