my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
