we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
