he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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