the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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