Just fell off a train. Bad.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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