I can text with my tongue
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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