Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize