Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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