i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
