we have officially lost it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
