It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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