I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
