I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize