i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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