I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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