george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
