i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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