HIV tests are more positive than that guy
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
