dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
