I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
