1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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