make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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