dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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