Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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