just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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