if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
