Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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