the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
