I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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