"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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