Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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