If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Randomize
