Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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