last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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