Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
