i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize