i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
