If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
