I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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