the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
