At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
