it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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