I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
