Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
